I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
