Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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