omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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