I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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