My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
