she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
