Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We are all done wearing pants today
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
