Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
