i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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