Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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