went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
