Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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