I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
