Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
