I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
