fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
