You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Found your dick twin last night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wish there were birth control emojis
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
