I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
