did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
