so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
