i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
