Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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