Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
