Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
