I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
