You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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