you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
