dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
