you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
