thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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