wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
