I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
