I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
