you guys were way drunker than both of me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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