So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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