Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
