why didn't you poke me back
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this will be a night to untag.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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