I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
