i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
