Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
