Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
