yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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