all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
