how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
