Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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