Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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