They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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