You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
