Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My breasts were aching with rage.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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