In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
